Chicken Buses

This entry looks to describe the experience of the chicken bus. For those of you who have experience with chicken buses (even if it is limited) you might as well quit reading because no words can illustrate the adventure (or it might be better to not provoke possible PTSD). For those of you who have not experienced the chicken bus, I will try to put it into words. After having taken my fair share of chicken buses I feel it is necessary to share my journeys, especially after last weekend. I rode a total of 7 chicken buses!

A chicken bus is an American styled school bus that is decked out with the most ridiculous decorations possible. For example: a typical chicken bus usually is painted at least 4 different colors in an exceptionally showy manner. The more colors and the more outrageous the paint job, the more respect it receives (flames across the hood and front panel is very common and highly admired). The unique appearance of the chicken bus does not end with the paint job. Actually, a true chicken bus must also possess a few other important qualities.

To me it seems the second most important characteristic is the ornamentation of the interior; this could mean, stickers, tassles, stuffed animals, flags, trinkets, and photos. Stickers seen frequently say things such as Dios te ama (God loves you), or maybe something supporting a favorite soccer team (FC Barcelona is very common), or even a Gallo one (Guatemala's most famous beer). I also have seen a lot of Tweety Bird ornaments and once a sticker that said USA Eagles, which, I have no idea what that means. Two other essential items are a name placed on the top of the front windshield facing oncoming traffic so that everyone knows the name of the bus (a typical name would be something like Manuelita) and also a metal rack on top to store luggage to allow the maximum capacity of passengers on board.

I guess the words maximum capacity of passengers might not bring the right image to mind. The maximum capacity of the bus means how many people can fit on to the bus, not safely, not comfortably, and not plausibly, but the amount of people that are willing to pay, that is the amount of people that can fit on the bus. Therefore luggage must go on top. Lets just say, I have never seen anyone rejected from getting on a chicken bus, even with every seat filled with three people, the entire aisle full of people standing up to the gear shift and people standing in the stairway. I actually have seen passengers riding on the top of the bus and the ayudante (assistant or person who collects money) hanging out the door. Let's just say you get to know the other passengers really well! So, now that we know the appearance and payload, let's talk about the transportation.

Usually from my experience chicken buses are for travels of a longer distance, by that I mean not just within cities (although it is possible, chicken buses have no limits!). Also, chicken buses don't just have specific destinations; they improvise as they go along, although they do have a beginning and final destination. What I mean by that is: chicken buses stop to pick up and drop off people at any location along the main route. Therefore, there is a lot of stopping and a lot of stopping. This usually makes the duration of the trip on a chicken bus a little longer than a first class bus line and much longer than traveling in your own vehicle.

Why only a little longer than a first class bus line that only stops once? Well, I believe it is because within every chicken bus driver exists a desire to be a Formula-1 racer. All I can say is if you have a problem with motion sickness, either take some good drugs before getting on or don't ride at all. Especially not through the mountains! I don't want to seem like I am overreacting, however, I think I have feared for my life a few occasions while on a chicken bus. First off, the majority of the highway between Xela (where I am living) and everywhere else is very mountainous. This means that there are many curves and there is not much between the road and the great abyss.

Chicken bus drivers don't know the word careful, and they seem to always be trying to live their dream of racing Formula-1. This results in them taking turns as sharp as possible on the windy mountain roads, as well as a competition between them and all other drivers. To them every day is the final race of the Grand Prix and every road in Guatemala is on the circuit. Chicken bus operators' total domination of the highway and fearless manner of taking on oncoming traffic not only has made many foreigners wet their pants (as well as lose their lunch), but it has also made driving chicken buses a dangerous profession. It seems the public opinion on chofers (drivers) in Guatemala is not very positive, and a lot of violent crime is directed toward them. Unfortunately, this is somewhat the result of their aggressive driving techniques, which, probably should never result in violence.

Finally, one may ask, what are the advantages to riding a chicken bus? I would say the chicken buses provide many. First, the price is unbeatable, you can get a 5 hour bus ride for the equivalent of US$5. Second, I think the cultural experience surpasses any other form of transportation here in Guatemala (although I would recommend seeing all types of transportations to get a diverse perception of Guatemalan culture). Thirdly, for you thrill seekers out there, it is most definitely the most exciting way to travel! There is nothing quite like weaving through road construction on the peaks of the Sierra Madres de Chiapas, swerving into oncoming traffic, listening to the air horn of multiple vehicles, being sold peanuts and mangoes, reading Christian propaganda, and having a conversation with the 7 people sharing a seat with you.